you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
