Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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