And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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