I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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