he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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