we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
