bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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