those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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