i will never coherently bang her
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
