trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
