tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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