I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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