I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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