Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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