just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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