She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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