Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just had sex on a roof
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
