I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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