About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Boobs speak an international language.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize
