she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Every concussion has its silver lining
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
