if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
