the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
