is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize