Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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