remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
