You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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