Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
