moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
