My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
