you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
