I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
being pregnant is like rehab
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He? As in you personified your dick?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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