I want to have your abortion
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
