I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
