i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
