I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
