she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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