mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
