Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
