grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
