I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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