I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
