my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
