I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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