Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
