Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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