We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize