what day is it and did you see me today?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
