my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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