it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
