is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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