Are we in a gay sports bar?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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