A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
