Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Randomize
