went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
