watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
