I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
