I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
