So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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