I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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