I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
