Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
