My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
