im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
did i just pee glitter
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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