If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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