i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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