My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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