I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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