who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
