my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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