so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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