Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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