I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
