I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
