you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize