As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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