dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
