so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
