return my video game
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
