life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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