Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
