Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I enjoy the company of your penis
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
