I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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