We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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