Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
