nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize