My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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