I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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