Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
