I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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