So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize