using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
