Cold hands, warm shart.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
