I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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