DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
