You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
