mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
