For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize