I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
