all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
