I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Help me help you realize you are a moron
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
