Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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