I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
