There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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