she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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