Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
