More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
