he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize