I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
