he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
YAS. BRING CRAB.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize