WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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