did you get engaged???
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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